“Why Do I Feel This Way?”: The Hidden Roots of Your Everyday Struggles
Have you ever asked yourself:
“Why do I feel this way?”
Why do I never feel good enough, or feel like I’m just too much?
Why do I turn to self-criticism and judgment instead of self-compassion and understanding?
Why do I give so much ─only to feel depleted, overlooked, or unappreciated?
Why won’t anxious thoughts ever go away?
And why, no matter how much I accomplish, do I still hear a whisper inside saying:
“I’m not worthy.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I’m not good enough.”
You’re not alone.
And here’s the truth: You didn’t create these struggles.
They were planted long ago—when you were a child.
The Pain You Carry Was Passed Down
Many women live with silent, recurring struggles that follow them into every area of life: relationships, motherhood, career, and identity.
But what if those struggles weren’t signs of brokenness or flaws?
What if they were inherited?
Patterns like self-doubt, over-giving, self-criticism, and never feeling good, valued, or important enough didn’t begin with you.
They often begin in childhood —and are rooted in our earliest relationship: the one with our mother.
This is known as the Mother Wound.
Curious to see how this is being talked about more publicly?
This brief YouTube video by Oprah Daily, titled “Dr. Anita Phillips Breaks Down the Mother Wound for Oprah and Brooke Shields,” offers a quick, insightful introduction to the concept and how it shows up in women’s lives.
So, What Is the Mother Wound?
The Mother Wound is the emotional pain that forms when our mothers, often unintentionally, couldn’t meet our foundational needs for love, safety, approval, or protection.
For example:
If your mother couldn’t offer emotional warmth or support, that might lead to emotional neglect. As an adult, you may now feel unsafe being vulnerable or expressing emotions, which can lead to disconnection in your relationships— even though you crave intimacy and connection.
The impact is deep.
But once you gain the awareness, you can trace these patterns back to their root─ and begin healing.
In my own journey, I struggled for decades trying to understand why I had a hard time being vulnerable and sharing authentic emotions with people I cared about. For someone who craved close connection, the pain was significant— until on my healing journey, I uncovered where this struggle stemmed from: emotional suppression and neglect.
I immediately did the work to heal it— and was set free to express myself fully with friends, family, my husband… everyone.
If you'd like to hear more of my personal story and a deeper conversation about the Mother Wound, listen to one or more of these podcast episodes where I share my insights and experiences: Grow Like A Mother Podcast, Living Beyond Expectations Podcast, or The Connected Community Podcast.
The Mother Wound Sounds Like:
“Be quiet.” -> “Don’t speak up. Stay small.”
“Don’t be too much.” -> I have to dim my needs and my light to be accepted.”
“You have to earn love.” -> I must hide, perform, or people-please to be loved.”
“You’re not good enough as you are.” -> “I’m not worthy unless I change who I am for others.”
How We Adapted to Survive
As little girls, we learned to adapt.
We became:
The Achiever.
The Fixer.
The Pleaser.
The Quiet one.
The One Who Never Makes Waves.
These roles helped us survive our childhood environments.
But now, they silently sabotage our adult lives.
Signs the Mother Wound May Be Affecting You
You may be living with unhealed Mother Wounds if you struggle with:
Constant self-criticism or negative self-talk
Anxiety that hums in the background
Difficulty prioritizing yourself, putting others’ needs above your own
Difficulty setting or maintaining boundaries
Feeling unworthy, inadequate, or “too much”
Overthinking and second-guessing yourself
Emotional reactivity in relationships
People pleasing, over-performing, perfectionism
Feeling unseen, unheard, or like you don’t matter
A shaky sense of identity or self-image
Persistent guilt, shame, or blame
Curious how deeply this might be affecting you?
Take the Mother Wound Quiz — a brief, insightful tool to help you explore how these patterns may be showing up in your life.
As noted in Psychology Today's article, “Mending the Mother Wound,” this emotional pain can become deeply embedded in your daily life—shaping your confidence, career path, relationships, and overall well-being.
None of this is your fault.
But you do get to choose─ keep carrying it, or start healing it.
You Don’t Have to Keep Living This Way
When you don’t understand the root of your struggles, the default is to stay stuck in painful patterns.
But when you begin to see what’s really going on, everything can start to shift.
You’ll begin to understand:
Yourself, more clearly
Why you think, react, and relate the way you do
Where your patterns come from—and how to break them
Why your relationships feel hard—or constantly fail
Why your self-worth feels unstable
Why it’s so difficult to give yourself the compassion you give others
And most importantly: You’ll see there’s a way out.
The First Step Is Awareness
When you recognize these patterns not as personal failings—but as the result of unhealed wounds—you can begin to break free.
You can heal what was never yours to carry.
You can stop the cycle.
You can reclaim the parts of you that were silenced, shamed, or abandoned.
And it all begins with awareness.
That’s exactly what you’ll explore inside The Mother Wound Awakening™.
Introducing: The Mother Wound Awakening™
A 6-Week Mini Mastermind to Uncover, Understand & Begin Healing Your Struggles
This is an intimate program for women who are ready to explore the hidden roots of their patterns, begin connecting the dots, and take the first steps toward healing.
Inside this space, you’ll begin to:
Understand what the mother wound is—and how it may be shaping your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
Recognize the generational beliefs and emotional patterns that were passed down to you
Identify the self-sabotaging habits and survival strategies you’ve been using without even realizing it
Gently explore your relationship with boundaries, voice, and emotional safety
Reconnect with parts of yourself that have been silenced, hidden, or neglected
This work isn’t about blaming your mother.
It’s about becoming aware of what’s been running your life—and choosing a new path forward.
If you’re ready to stop asking “Why do I feel this way?” and start answering it with clarity, compassion, and courage—this is your starting place.
You don’t have to keep repeating the same struggles.
You just have to decide to do something different.
Your Invitation to Begin
Ready to finally understand the hidden roots of your struggles — and begin healing them?
The Mother Wound Awakening™ is a 6-week intimate group experience designed to help you uncover the emotional patterns that have been quietly shaping your life, and start the process of healing with guidance, support, and clarity.
Enrollment is limited to just six women to ensure a deeply personalized, safe, and transformative experience — where you’ll be seen, heard, and supported every step of the way.
👉 Schedule your free Clarity Call to explore whether it’s the right next step for you.
Not quite sure yet?
Take the Mother Wound Quiz — a brief, insightful tool to help you discover whether unhealed wounds may be driving the patterns you’re ready to change.
Many women who take the quiz are surprised by what they learn — and choose to go deeper with this work inside The Mother Wound Awakening™.
Heidi Carlson
Helping Women Heal the Mother Wound
Heidi Carlson Coaching