“Why Do I Feel This Way?”: The Hidden Roots of Your Everyday Struggles
Have you ever asked yourself:
“Why do I feel this way?”
Why do I never feel “good enough,” or like I’m “too much”?
Why do I turn to self-criticism, and self-judgment instead of self-compassion and understanding?
Why do I give so much─ only to feel depleted, overlooked, or unappreciated?
Why do I keep overthinking and creating anxious thoughts?
And why, no matter how much I accomplish, do I still hear a whisper inside saying:
“I’m not worthy.”
“I’m not valuable.”
“I’m not enough.”
You’re not alone.
And here’s the truth: “you didn’t create these struggles.”
They formed long ago—when you were a child just trying to survive.
The Pain You Carry Was Passed Down To You
Many women live with silent struggles that follow them into every area of their lives: relationships, career, and identity.
But what if those silent struggles weren’t flaws of your own making?
What if they were inherited?
Patterns like self-doubt, over-giving, self-criticism, and never feeling good, valued, or important enough didn’t begin with you.
They often begin in childhood—rooted in our earliest relationship: the one with our mother.
This is known as the Mother Wound.
Watch this brief YouTube video by Oprah Daily, where Dr. Anita Phillips explains the Mother Wound and its impact on women’s lives.
So, What Is the Mother Wound?
The Mother Wound is the emotional pain that forms when our mothers (most often unintentionally) were unable to meet our foundational childhood needs for love, safety, approval, or protection.
A Mother Wound Example:
If your mother was unable to encourage, support, or approve your emotional expression (to nurture you emotionally), that would lead to “emotional neglect” as a child. That neglect becomes a Mother Wound. This Mother Wound follows you through life, making it difficult to feel safe expressing your emotions with others, leaving you feeling unsafe being vulnerable, and causing you to struggle to identify and express your emotions at all. The result in adulthood is often a sense of feeling emotionally suppressed (trapped inside), and disconnected in your relationships— even though you may deeply crave intimacy, vulnerability, and connection. You long for it, but feel unable to do it.
As you can imagine, the impact is profound.
The good news… once you gain awareness of your pattern and uncover its root cause─ healing can begin.
Emotional neglect was one of my core wounds growing up.
I craved deep emotional connection, but I couldn’t access it—no matter how much I wanted it.
For decades, I struggled to understand why vulnerability and authentic emotional expression felt so hard, especially with the people I cared about most. The pain was real. It wasn’t until my healing journey that I finally uncovered the root cause: emotional suppression and neglect. Gaining that awareness allowed me to begin healing my Mother Wound—and everything started to change.
I began doing the work to heal it—and that’s what set me free to fully express myself with my friends, family, my husband… everyone.
If you'd like to hear more of my personal story and explore different aspects of the Mother Wound, here are a few podcast interviews where I share my experiences and insights:
The Mother Wound Sounds Like:
Your mother says:
“Be quiet. Shut up. Stop talking.”
The pattern we learn/inherit: “Don’t use your voice. Stay silent and small.”
“Don’t be too much.”
The pattern we learn/inherit: “I must dim myself—my needs, my light—to avoid rejection.”
“You are so difficult; you always create problems.”
The pattern we learn/inherit: “I must hide, change, or people-please to be loved and accepted.”
“Why do you look that way? or “You’re not good enough as you are.”
The pattern we learn/inherit: “I’m not worthy unless I change who I am for others.”
How We Adapted to Survive
As little girls, we had to adapt to our childhood environment to survive.
So, we became:
The Achiever.
The Fixer.
The Pleaser.
The Quiet one.
The One Who Never Makes Waves.
These roles helped us survive our childhood circumstances.
But today, they silently sabotage our adult lives.
Here are some common signs the Mother Wound might be affecting you. You may recognize one or many.
Inner Critic & Self-Worth Struggles
Constant self-criticism or negative self-talk— harsh judgments you tell yourself regularly.
Feeling unworthy, inadequate, or “too much”— believing you don’t measure up as you are.
Persistent guilt, shame, or blame— carrying emotional burdens that aren’t yours to carry.
Emotional & Mental Patterns
Anxiety that hums in the background— a low-level worry that feels ever-present.
Overthinking and second-guessing yourself— replaying decisions or conversations endlessly.
Emotional reactivity in relationships— strong, sometimes overwhelming emotional responses.
Relationship & Boundary Challenges
Difficulty prioritizing yourself, putting others’ needs above your own— always giving but rarely receiving.
Difficulty setting or maintaining boundaries— struggling to say no or protect your space.
People pleasing, over-performing, perfectionism— trying to earn love and approval through actions.
Identity & Connection
Feeling unseen, unheard, or like you don’t matter— craving acknowledgement that feels out of reach.
A shaky sense of identity or self-image— not quite sure who you truly are beneath the roles you play.
The Quiet one, The Please, The Fixer…— playing roles that helped you survive but now hold you back.
If you recognize yourself in any of these, know that you're not alone.
If you’re curious, take the Mother Wound Quiz to explore how these patterns may be showing up in your life.
None of this is your fault.
But you get to choose─ whether to keep carrying the Mother Wound or begin healing it.
You Can Choose A Different Way
When you don’t understand the root of your struggles, you then stay stuck in those painful patterns.
But once you start doing the work, everything starts to shift.
You’ll begin to understand:
Yourself, with far more clarity
Why you think, react, and relate the way you do
Where your patterns come from, how they formed—and how to break them
Why your relationships feel hard—or why they keep falling apart
Why your self-worth feels unstable
Why it’s so difficult to give yourself the compassion you offer others
And most importantly: you’ll finally see that “healing is possible.”
The First Step Is Awareness
When you recognize these patterns not as personal flaws—but as the result of unhealed wounds—you can finally begin the journey to break them.
You can heal what was never yours to carry.
You can stop the cycle.
You can reclaim the parts of you that were silenced, shamed, or abandoned.
And that’s exactly what you’ll begin to explore inside The Mother Wound Awakening™.
The Mother Wound Awakening™ is a 6-Week Mini Mastermind
Uncover, Understand & Begin Healing Your Struggles
A program for women who are ready to explore the hidden roots of their patterns, begin connecting the dots, and take the first steps toward healing.
Inside this intimate container, you’ll begin to:
Understand what the Mother Wound is—and how it’s shaping your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
Recognize the generational beliefs and emotional patterns that were passed down to you
Identify the self-sabotaging habits and survival strategies you’ve been using without realizing it
Gently explore your relationships, boundaries, voice, and emotional safety
Reconnect with parts of yourself that have been silenced, hidden, or neglected
This work is not about blaming your mother. It’s about becoming aware of what’s been running your life—and choosing a new path forward.
This is your starting place if you’re ready to stop asking “Why do I feel this way?” and start answering it with clarity, compassion, and courage.
You don’t have to keep repeating the same struggles. You just have to decide to do something different.
👉 Schedule your free Clarity Call to explore whether The Mother Wound Awakening™ is the right next step for you.
Heidi Carlson
Mother Wound Coach
Heidi Carlson Coaching