The Cycle Ends With You
The Trauma You Didn’t Know You Inherited, But Live With Every Day
We don’t just inherit our eye color or our laugh.
We inherit pain.
The silent kind. The heavy kind that lingers deep inside your body, quietly shaping everything you do, often without you even realizing it.
Sometimes trauma comes from a single event. Sometimes it's the accumulation of experiences over years.
Often, though not always, it's trauma carried forward through generations, known as generational trauma.
When trauma remains unnoticed, we continue to live inside it. And, without realizing it, we may also pass ito on to future generations.
I Didn’t Know What Was Wrong, But I Knew Something Was Off
I was the youngest of five, born to immigrant parents in an arranged, and deeply unhappy marriage. My mom was just 17. My parents didn’t know it at the time, but in addition to their own struggles, they carried generational trauma that was unknowingly passed to us.
My upbringing was a mix of love, joy, silence, and suppression:
• I was loved, yet I never truly learned to love myself.
• I was protected, yet never taught to raise my voice.
• I was seen, but never truly heard.
• I felt deeply, yet had no outlet for emotions.
• I was recognized for hard work, yet never learned self-care or self-compassion.
Like so many women I coach today, I had no idea this was generational trauma.
What Generational Trauma Really Is
It’s not just the aftermath of war or tragedy.
It comes from deep pain or hardship that was never healed, including abuse, childhood neglect, poverty, discrimination, or family dysfunction.
Even if you didn’t experience these events yourself, their emotional impact can still be passed down—especially from mothers to daughters—through unspoken pain.
It’s the wound beneath the wound, the heartbreak beneath the heartbreak.
If your mother never felt safe, seen, heard, or unconditionally loved—or never healed her own pain—you likely inherited her fears, patterns, and silence.
Not because she meant for you to—but because she didn’t know it was happening.
How Generational Trauma Shows Up in Your Life
Generational Trauma can seep into your life in subtle ways:
• People-pleasing that drains you dry
• Boundaries that feel impossible or scary
• Appeasing or avoiding conflict at your own expense
• Believing love requires pain, sacrifice, or perfection.
• Feeling “too much” or “never enough” in relationships or career
• Feeling unsafe to express your emotions, opinions, or needs
In this powerful 8-minute YouTube video, world-renowned psychiatrist and neuroscientist Bessel van der Kolk—author of the groundbreaking book The Body Keeps the Score—explains how trauma embeds itself in the body, influencing our emotions, decisions, and relationships until it's brought to light and healed.
These patterns persist until you gain awareness and begin healing your emotional wounds.
I Carried Many Patterns Like Quiet Emotional Weights
For years, I walked through life doing what I was conditioned to do, and for a long time, it seemed normal:
• Exhausted from over-giving and over-doing
• Paralyzed by boundaries I didn’t know how to set
• Terrified of conflict and confrontation
• Equating my worth with how much I did and gave
• Seeking approval while feeling empty inside
• Relying on others for decision-making
• Living for everyone else, but not truly living for me
Too many women live like this—carrying generational patterns without realizing it’s trauma that needs healing.
How I Broke the Cycle
My healing began when I faced my struggles head-on and looked inward:
• I recognized that my unhealthy patterns were inherited, not created by me.
• I understood the cycles weren’t mine—they came from prior generations.
• I reclaimed my voice, truth, power, and deep self-worth.
Through trauma-informed healing, including inner child work, compassionate reparenting, and mother wound healing, I no longer over-give, people-please, or strive for perfection. I have firm boundaries, speak my truth confidently, an navigate conflict with courage, compassion, and understanding.
The most powerful achievement? My 16 yr. old son will never inherit the generational trauma I carried—I broke the cycle.
Why This Matters for You
If your life feels heavy, exhausting, or hollow, it’s not failure—it’s generational trauma.
You may not understand why patterns repeat in your relationships, career, or inner life—but you can take conscious action to gain awareness and begin healing.
Most women try external solutions—books, podcasts, retreats, or therapy—but true healing comes from within, by addressing mother wounds, inner child healing, and generational patterns.
Most Women Don’t Know They’re Carrying This Pain
Even women who feel self-aware often don’t realize the pain they carry comes from generational trauma and mother wounds.
I’ve coached hundreds of women who believed they just needed to do more external work—but true healing and transformation happens when you look inward to address the patterns that keep you stuck:
Unhealthy relationship cycles
People-pleasing and over-giving
Self-doubt and low self-worth
Avoiding conflict or suppressing your voice
Boundaries that feel impossible or come with guilt or fear
Feeling “never enough” or constantly comparing yourself to others
A sense of not belonging in relationships, social circles, or at work
Sound familiar? This is your invitation to begin a healing journey, reconnect with your inner child, and reclaim your power.
Start Your Healing Journey
Awareness is the first step. Book a free Clarity Call, and we’ll explore repeating challenges, patterns rooted in generational trauma or the mother wound, and your next steps toward healing, emotional freedom, and self-trust.
Healing isn’t just about willpower or conversation—it happens in the body, with guidance and support.
Subscribe to My Newsletter
Stay connected with gentle insights, tools, and reflections on healing generational trauma, the mother wound, and breaking cycles. You’ll also hear about new offerings, events, and ways to grow together.
End the Cycle, Start Healing
Generational trauma quietly passes down until it’s addressed. When you heal, you break the chains—for yourself, your relationships, your children, and future generations.
Healing transforms:
You
Your relationships
Your parenting and children
Your life
Your future generations
Take Your First Step
Awareness is the first step. Book a free Clarity Call to explore repeating challenges, uncover patterns tied to generational trauma or the Mother Wound, and discover your next steps toward emotional freedom and self-trust.
Healing isn’t just about willpower or conversation—it happens in the body, with guidance and support.
Subscribe to My Newsletter
Subscribe to my newsletter for gentle insights, tools, and reflections on healing generational trauma, the Mother Wound, and breaking cycles. You’ll also receive updates on new offerings, events, and ways to grow together.
Generational Trauma Resources:
Understanding Generational Trauma: Breaking the Cycle – Overview from Holly Hill Hospital.
Adult Daughters of Emotionally Immature Mothers by Lindsay C. Gibson - Insights on understanding and healing the impact of emotionally immature of mothers.
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff- A guide to cultivating compassion toward yourself during your healing process.
Heidi Carlson
Heidi Carlson Coaching
Generational Trauma & Mother Wound Coach
heidi@heidicarlsoncoaching.com
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